Category Archives: ramblings

That’s what Porn says to me…

What if I were to say…to my husband:
“I have to think of the past guys I dated in order to fuck you..or suck your dick…or to even play with myself”… (Sorry for the vulgarities but I’m steaming here)… And then I said:
“Oh NM I just thought it would be a funny joke…”.. Or “it doesn’t mean anything.. My needs are just stronger”… And then… Change my story all over again.

This is what porn feels like to me.

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Continue reading That’s what Porn says to me…

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What is it about Walmart and Rainy days?

What is it about Walmart and rainy days that reminds me that each day I am simply just trying to tolerate the human race one more day just to get by? And whats even worse is that they have to tolerate me. From people pushing their carts down the parking lot aisles… in the freaking middle of it with their wide asses and buggies, going as slowly as possible, to the people in the self check outs with a cart full of crap. A wise man in AA says that “we need to come from a place of non-judgment”. Which normally I tend to agree with his sentiments, but today I can seem to conjure up enough humility to muster the non judgment. Judgment seems to be all that is in my mind. My counselor always says “what would love do?” Which I also LOVE this statement… because what would it do? would it act gracious while secretly cursing the individuals in its inner most deepest thoughts? Or would it simply just be gracious. The real problem here is ME. I have a case of the fuckits. My give a damn is broken today. I don’t care what love would do…. Except giving that homeless man on the corner standing in the rain ..un righteously I might add.. $10 bucks…..and then thinking why can’t any of these other ass holes see he’s suffering? and then realizing im not unrighteous at all. I’m the total opposite. AND then thinking… you know… I just blew $50 bucks and shit to organize my shit… what kind of logic is that… who has it better off… me who has so much crap I have to buy more crap just to organize it… or the homeless guy who doesn’t have anything… he doesn’t even have to see a counselor to learn how to deal with the human race because to just simply make it through another day alive in this world is a blessing. And maybe… that’s what we all are really doing. And I do need to come from a place of love and tolerance… because I am blessed to be here, another day.. making it through it.